Waiting

I was all fired up to come back from Australia and post some photos about our trip and then write some stuff about working with my friend Mano Felciano on his show last Sunday at Crash Mansion.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work out that way.

My last post, about Maggie and her sedatives, was funny at the time but it is less so given what has transpired in the last 48 hours.

Maggie's cough resolved, but when we got home, she looked like she had lost a lot of weight and she wasn't acting right.  Hard to explain why, but you just know when your dog ain't right.

By Sunday, she was breathing only in little short breaths, which I figured was a result of continued throat infection or maybe congestion in the lungs.  So I took her to the vet on Monday morning.

It turns out that the pericardium, the tissue sac that surrounds the heart, was filled with what later turned out to be 400 ml (about a quart) of fluid.  Maggie was breathing so shallowly because her heart sac was filling up 1/3 of her chest, compressing her lungs.  As a result, what I thought would be a trip to the vet to get some antibiotics turned into a sprint to the emergency room to have the fluid drained.  Given her size and the amount of fluid, nobody could believe she was walking around so normally.  I can't even begin to imagine what would have happened had I hesitated and scheduled the appointment for later in the week or next week.  So, lesson number one - IF YOU THINK YOUR DOG ISN'T "RIGHT" GO TO THE VET IMMEDIATELY. 

They drained the fluid at the emergency room and she is doing much better now.  The nurse called this morning and told me she was "eating like a champ," which sounds like the little piglet, so I am relieved.  Above is a photo we snapped last night during visiting hours.

Unfortunately, the cause of the fluid build-up was a large tissue mass in the pericardium.  We are awaiting the result of the blood tests right now to determine if it is malignant.  It is also possible it was caused by a viral or fungal infection, which would be a more welcome result than a cancer.  Luckily, the full-body scan they did of her last night didn't show any tissue masses or tumors anywhere else in her tiny beagle body.  

Still, this waiting is killing me.

It's a strange thing to have a dog in such distress.  As anybody who knows me can tell you, I adore my dogs.  And I was an absolute wreck yesterday due to the lethal combination of intense jet lag (only about 9 hours of sleep in three days), lack of food (I was so wound up all I could get down was three cups of coffee) and having to keep a stiff upper lip during some business calls and meetings during the day.  But it's just not possible to explain that you want to cry because your dog is in a life-threatening situation.

At any rate, there were many, many tears yesterday and many sad thoughts about preparing for the possibility of a life without the Magdog.  And I reflected that loving a dog is really about the loving of the dog and being the one responsible for protecting and caring for her.  People will tell you that they get unconditional love from their dog, but the most wonderful and also, in these cases, most painful part is being the one who must love and care and, in the worst situations, make difficult decisions.  We are not there yet with Maggie, but in the midst of this scare I was able to glimpse how love can make you strong enough to ensure that there is no needless suffering.  I truly hope we do not get there, but I will admit that I am scared.