Maggie is Satan.
On Friday, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was soaking wet with sweat. The only problem was that it wasn't sweat.
Turns out that Maggie had jumped up on the bed, sidled over to me and let loose a torrent of pee.
These are the times that try a man's love of his dog.
UPDATE: I thought I would add a little list of some of the highlights of Her Satanic Majesty's Four Years and Six Months (as of tomorrow) on this Earth:
1. Got hot spot from scratching tick too hard. Needed antibiotics and collar for a week
2. Ate three books of matches in one sitting
3. Ate 27-year-old's underwear
4. Ate entire year's worth of Heartguard medicine in one sitting. Vomited all over my rug.
5. Got kennel cough. Needed 10 days of antibiotics.
6. Got ear infection. Needed 5 days of ear cleaning and antibiotics
7. Got hot spot from scratching tick too hard. Needed antibiotics and collar for a week
8. Ate irreplaceable pictures of my parents.
9. Got infection...down there. Needed medicine applied twice a day. (I let her suffer on this one. NO WAY was I putting on that medicine.)
10. Ruined 27-year-old's beaded shirt.
11. Destroyed 27-year-old's Gucci sunglasses.
12. Ate/Chewed (_Insert Piece of Plastic Here_)
Other than that, she's the best.
14 comments:
Oh, man. That IS evil.
Has she started turning her head all the way around?
What are your thoughts on exorcism? Although, I guess if she actually IS Satan, an exorcism won't work.
I think she's angry at you. What have you done to her?
Maggie is Satan - yes she is, yes she is. Who is Satan? Who is Satan? Yes she is. Yes she is.
Actually, I think she may sick. She's been having problems ever since she "rented" those three Easter eggs for 24 hours.
I may try to take her to the vet tomorrow.
I was pretty freakin' pissed, though. I had to sleep under only a flat sheet for the rest of the night and it was freezing.
Bitch.
Poor little evil doggie.
She's still damned cute. DAMNED CUTE.
I hope she feels better. Perhaps a few boxes of Heartguard would help?
I think I need to update this post with a litany of her evil deeds over the past four years.
My sister's Beagle requires his anal glands be expressed every couple of weeks. You gotta have a strong heart when it comes to caring for dogs sometimes.
Pissing on me in my sleep? That would be a tough one to get over. Did your work mates take the long way around your desk to the breakroom this morning?
Tony -
I had hoped that you, of all people, would note the reference in the title to the post. That was just for you!
Anal gland expression. Yeesh.
Circy - The 27-year-old is the ex-Ms. Misanthrope.
Yes, Buck also needs to have his anal glands emptied when he visits the vet.
The first time we had this done Annie nearly passed out from the stench. As I am olfactorily impaired, I was like "What's the problem?"
Apparently this is the worst smell in the world.
Oh, I got the reference my man.
As a matter of fact, Circy was graced by my air guitar rendition of "# of the Beast" Saturday when it popped up on the Arena Rock cable music channel. I cranked it up full throttle and Katie stopped what she was doing to join me in the living room to dance around the fire. With Dickenson though, I have to lip sync since his range is a tad bit higher on the scale than mine, but what you lose in vocal volume you make up in scary mean faces.
The record is now in the Alva mobile.
Maggie is one CUTE FRICKIN' DOG.
Every time I see that picture of her it makes me laugh.
Didn't Maiden do a ten minute tune about Charles Darwin called 'The Voyage of the Beagle'?
Not a lot of rhymes for galapagos...
Galapagos A Go Gos
I think she looks like Cornelius from "Planet of the Apes" in this photo.
It's the eyebrows, isn't it?
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